Garth’s Groaners – February 11-15, 2019

Garth’s Groaners are a 100% physician-approved, A-1 prime cure to the winter-blahs.  Or maybe they will make them worse.   Probably make them worse.

Monday

I got to thinking over the weekend, and I’ve figured out the only things that matter in this whole wide universe.
They are solids, liquids, gasses and plasma.

Tuesday

I went out for dinner last night with Uncle Billy. He said he wanted to take me to a brand new restaurant where they give you a free bandanna with a meal.
I didn’t think the food was that great.  To make matters worse, he embarrassed me greatly by wearing a napkin on his head through the whole meal.

Wednesday

I got a weird phone call yesterday from the school, and the principal I think the woman said she was the principal told me that my son has been telling lies at school.
I told her to let him know he’s really good at it since I don’t have any kids.

Thursday

Uncle Billy has recently started up a new job, he’s waiting tables at a fairly fancy restaurant. And things are going well but I figure he’s going to be unemployed by tomorrow. I don’t think his plan to put fake engagement rings in every meal he serves tonight will go over quite as well as he thinks.

Friday

What do you call bears without ears?
B.

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