Garth’s Groaners – February 4-8, 2019

Here’s your weekly edition of the ever-famous, most-outrageous, super-fantastic Garth’s Groaners.

Monday

What is the opposite of Sprite?
Spleft.

Tuesday

I saw this clip on YouTube last night from some TV station down in the United States.  It was a news report on a local woman who gave birth to quadruplets.

The reporter in the piece is there in the hospital with the new mom and asks what she had named these kids.

The mom says their names are, “Eenie, Meenie, Miney and Fred.”

And you can see the reporter look a bit perplexed at that and says something like, “if you’ve named the first three Eenie, Meenie, Miney, why did you name the next one Fred?  What about Mo?”

The mother responds that she didn’t want no Mo.

Wednesday

Uncle Billy was going through his chicken coop recently, and I’m a little fuzzy on the details here, but somehow he found a hen that’s good at subtraction.
He says he’ll be touring the mathamachicken at various festivals and fairs through the province.

Thursday

What is the opposite of irony?
Wrinkly.

Friday

I once played poker with a deck of tarot cards.
It was going well enough until I got a full house which caused three people to get the plague.

Web Exclusive Humour Intended Image!

True story: I do own some chain mail armour.  I won it at a social.  I assume that’s where every aspiring member of the Middle Earth monarchy gets their armour.  Or some prop-make in New Zealand.  Honestly, I haven’t thought that much about it.

Not done laughing yet?  Miss out on last week’s “jokes”?  Find Garth’s Groaners for the previous week here.